Each October, the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta takes place. It “creates an enchanted world of special shape balloon rodeos, twilight balloon glows and vibrant balloon-filled skies.” (from baloonfiesta.com website)
It is claimed that during this season “the sky is bluer the days are gentler, and the morning's crisper,” and in that romantic phrase using “bluer” lies a deep problem that will be evident as the story goes on.
The problem this year was that there was not going to be enough hot air to launch the 500 balloons. The event has been taking place since April 8, 1972, when over a dozen lifted off, complete with an air race, and there has always been plenty of hot air.
However, in 2024, there has been a shortage of hot air in some locations and unfortunately, Albuquerque, New Mexico, was one of them.
Sponsors had come from all over the world with their balloons, each with distinct art and messages, like “Our Air is Cleaner,” from Nova Scotia, and “Our Air is Thicker,” from New York City. There were paintings of owls, chipmunks, rattlesnakes, and other animals, as well as political slogans like, “No Aborted Landings,” and “Aborted Landings at your Discretion.”
It would cost sponsors millions of dollars, roubles, yuans, wons, and euros if the balloons were not launched. Soon all the major networks, such as ABC, NBC, ROTC, and the Brotherhood sent out a call for hot air.
The first responders were the Democrats and Republicans. Each party called for 250 loyal and somewhat overweight politicians to stand beside a balloon of their choice and give a long-winded speech. A type of reverse-ventilator would be placed over their mouths and the hot air expelled from their lungs would help fill the balloon.
Hot air political contributors were asked to arrive a day early so that all the equipment would be in place for the early morning launch of the balloons. Most the hot air responders would come from Texas, California, and Florida, with Pennsylvania, Arizona, and Michigan also contributing heavily. Little hot air was found in Rhode Island, Alaska, or Vermont.
The solution seemed to work well except for one feature: the air expelled from the Democrats was blue and the air from the Republicans was red. Once the balloons were launched, there would be no way to keep them separated, although police drones would make every effort to do so. If the red and blue balloons got too close to each other, they might throw rotten eggs and darts and destroy the whole event.
At precisely 6 am on October 9, 2024, the balloon launching operation began. To the surprise of no one, there now seemed to be plenty of hot air. In fact, it seemed like some of the balloons were on the verge of bursting and two politicians (from Texas and Florida) were unplugged to avoid explosions.
It was indeed a marvelous sight, and this year’s event exceeded all the previous ones and created an air of mystery, with balloons starting in New Mexico, and following what is known as the “Albuquerque box,” for about 2 to 10 miles, then heading north to traditionally stay aloft for almost an hour.
For some reason, however, this year the balloons did not want to land. They sailed on and on until they reached Washington, D.C., with some landing at the Jefferson Memorial, the National War Cemetery, and others at memorial sites of their choice around the capital.
Of course, the President (and Vice President), Senate, and Supreme Court were alerted of the balloons flight patterns by the FBI, CIA, and Boy Scouts. Unfortunately, a U.S. Air Force stealth bomber was not and inadvertently shot down a Chinese weather balloon near Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. Captain Kwikdraw, thinking it was a UFO, had failed to read the sign on the balloon which said: “WE LOVE PIECE.” However, and thankfully, no one was injured in this story.
The real problem was that the Air Force claimed the destroyed balloon was of a particular color (which cannot be revealed). There is a forthcoming Congressional Hearing to look deeply into the matter. The Chinese have been alerted.
Taken as a whole, however, the hot air of the politicians saved the day. What might have been a minor balloon launching in a remote area of the U.S. became a major balloon landing in our nation’s capital.
Let us stand in awe (or at least kneel) in respect for those first political responders, although five had heart attacks (they are expected to completely recover). Several others have promised to begin the Keto Cycle and the DASH eating pattern.
It takes one’s breath away!
Karl Franklin
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